My Awesome Dancers

i love these girls, plain and simple. they're funny, they love to dance, and they work hard (most of the time). this is a routine they'd been working on for only 2 classes at this point; which means when you factor out warm-up time, bathroom/water breaks, and occasional silliness, they'd probably only spent about 60-70 minutes learning and practicing this. which is pretty awesome until it all falls apart. :o) i'm so proud of these kiddos - and hopefully i'll get them doing the full thing later this week...

update: i can't get the video to upload so i'll try to get a video on my phone this week...

Clearly, the Ridiculousness is Hereditary...

my mother: hey, i just saw those photos you posted yesterday. those are some really beautiful pictures of you.

me: thanks, mom!

mom: you know how everyone says you look like me? i had no idea i was so gorgeous...

me: good lord, woman. i'm hanging up on you now...

Turning a Page (I Hope)

the last 2 years have sucked, this we know. and actually, i've been having a really hard time getting my feet under me for the last 3 and half years, several months of love-induced bliss aside. but the last few days have felt... better. after a really horrific and emotional (and shoe-less) birthday, i think i may finally be on an upswing. and it's a solid feeling, too - i'm waking up feeling a teensy bit better about life in general. even my habitual mantra of "i hate life" isn't popping into my head so often. well, here's hoping...

Doing What I Love. Preferably for a Paycheck.

just in case the universe has started listening to me again, and may be in a position to help, i would just like to point out that i do NOT love childcare and/or working for minimum wage, and i DO love working with older kids in the realms of theatre and dance. so, you know, it'd be awesome to actually be able to support myself doing these things. especially since i know i'm good at it and can (and do) make a difference. just throwin' that out there...

A Little Musical Wisdom

You remember there's more than this
There always was and always is
Tend the artist in your charges, you are full invested

Rise up your dead

There's life in the old girl yet

-indigo girls

p.s. do yourself a favor and create a "cowboy mouth" station on pandora. even if you don't know who they are. especially if you don't know. it is a most awesome station... trust me.

The Most Beautiful Shoes in the World

birthday shoes: they are a tradition for me. the shoes don't have to be expensive, but they SHOULD be festive and maybe a little flashy. last month, my bgbff informed me that my 40th birthday pressie would be laboutins - 40, partly because it's a milestone, and partly because it's clearly going to take 5 years to save up the ridiculous amount of money that they cost. bored one night, i decided to look up laboutin's current seasonal offerings, just to see what was what. and that's when i discovered these magical shoes, which were clearly thought of, designed, and made specifically for me:

aren't they magnificent? now, as you may or may not know, christian laboutin sells his shoes for roughly $3000 a pop. yep, 3 thousand. but then during an image search - so that i could find a better picture of these lovelies - i discovered this site, which claims to sell REAL laboutins for only $188. there are 2 possible logical conclusions here: either a) they are fake ("slaboutins", as amy calls them), or 2) some obscure russian mafia member had to kill off someone's grandma and smuggle these out of the factory. truth is, i'm not sure sure i care either way. i mean, DID YOU SEE THE SHOES??? they are magical and good, and NEED to be part of my wardrobe. (they will then be known as my "faux dragon" shoes, thanks to a convo with rob.) so if anyone out there wants to buy me some magical birthday shoes (HI, MOM!), you should go HERE. and since the site says they'll be delivered within 7 days, if you order tomorrow (size 39 or 39.5 EU, please), they should be here in time for me to wear to benihana's on the 20th.

just trying to be helpful...

Well, That Didn't Quite Work...

last post was in april... so much for trying to write more as an outlet. ah, well. let's see. update: working at rdv sportsplex as a glorified baby-sitter for minimum wage - not loving that, though i do like working parties and special events; no longer teaching at the studio as lukasz has apparently decided that, after working there for a year, i "don't fit in with the studio" (read: i'm not skinny, i don't wear tons of make-up or dress to the nines to teach kids tap and ballet, and i'm not fake); started slowly weaning myself off the zoloft, which went fine until i took myself off completely - the physical withdrawal symptoms are mild and i'm dealing, but apparently i'm still mentally and emotionally a bit more effed-up than i gave myself credit for. which sucks on two levels: 1) i'm finding myself easily overwhelmed and having mild anxiety issues about every-day things that i should be able to deal with without blinking; and b) i'm having problems assimilating and dealing empathically - i'm not sure if it's because i'd gotten so used to the zoloft causing me not to feel things at full-strength, or because i'm just not able to handle other people's thoughts and feelings right now without pharmaceutical assistance. i assume it's the second, because of that "emotionally effed-up" discovery. which is not particularly cool, but i'm not really sure how to fix it. i suppose i can either suck it up and deal and stay off the drugs, or i can give in and go back on the small dose i've been taking for the last 2 months. i'm really not sure which is the better option, really...

ok, that concludes the extremely-colonic-and-parenthetical portion of today's discussion. i'd like to say that my posts will be more positive as i work to make my life more positive, but i can't promise that. this is my outlet, after all, so it is what it is and i'll say what i need to say. i suppose i can try a disclaimer system to warn you not to read the negative stuff, though it's not like lots of people read this anyway, so you know, maybe i won't... :o)

FMF FTW!

the past thursday, friday, and saturday nights found me in downtown orlando bouncing from venue to venue for the florida music festival. great live music, bad band names (arnon armoth, anyone?), good friends, fantastic people-watching opportunities... all in all an amazing 3 days.

we all know i'm a live-music junkie as it is, so what better way to spend some time than watching some old favorites and discovering awesome new (well, new to me) bands?

people who don't suck:

(click on the name, and it will take you to a video...)

minus the bear

easy star all-stars

thomas wynn and the believers

tayler buono (not bad for a 17-year-old...)

the lighter exchange (featuring a friend who is also frontman for agr)

big 10-4

and of course, better than ezra. because you just gotta love kevin and the band. they're big fat dorks who happen to be excellent musicians. and they like getting up on a stage and playing with the audience. for example, as seen below: "if you have any troubles with fast-moving stuff, like flashing lights or strobes, and it makes you dizzy or you fall down... you might want to avert your eyes from my fretboard, because what you're about to see might just blow your mind!" (you may want to turn the sound down a bit - it's not the best quality. but still entertaining to watch...)

And So Appropriate With Easter Around the Corner...

this is one of my favorite scenes in the book, at the wedding in cana:

Just then Joshua stumbled through the gate and crashed into us. We were able to catch ourselves and him before anyone fell. The Messiah was holding the little girl's pet bunny, hugging it to his cheek with the big back feet swinging free. He was gloriously drunk. "Know what?" Josh said. "I love bunnies. They toil not, nor do they bark. Henceforth and from now on, I decree that whenever something bad happens to me, there shall be bunnies around. So it shall be written. Go ahead, Biff, write it down." He waved to me under the bunny, then turned and started back through the gate. "Where's the friggin' wine? I got a dry bunny over here!"

"See," I said to Maggie, "you don't want to miss out on that. Bunnies!"

i enjoy christopher moore as a writer. i have most of his books, but my favorite by far is Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal, which i just finished re-reading. and please don't be put off by the blasphemous-sounding title; this book is brilliant. it's funny, touching, thought-provoking, and spiritual.

i was raised catholic, and if you've met me, you know i need to know the "why" of things. a lot of the things i was being taught were presented as fact without any reason behind it. it's not that i disbelieved what i was being taught, it's just that i wanted to know more. i needed to understand the people in the story, not just the story itself. my biggest issue, always, was the way jesus ("joshua" in the original hebrew, and how he is titled in the book) was described, personality-wise. as in, he had none. yes, he was the son of god, and yes, he had very important things to do and ideas to teach. but one of the central tenants of christianity is that jesus was just like us "in all ways except sin." if he was like us, where was the humanity? i get that he didn't sin, but didn't he get confused, happy, irritated, etc just like us? how else would he know the experience of being human? i know life was hard in that time and especially for jews under roman rule, but wouldn't there have been some humor, some spontaneity, even if it were just in self defense to keep from going crazy? and also: where did he learn all these things he taught as an adult? they were decidedly un-jewish concepts, and very eastern in their feel.

i think part of why this book sits well with me is because it just makes sense to me. yes, it's a work of fiction, and moore readily admits that several things included most likely could never have happened; but it's a beautiful story of a soul that is struggling to learn all he can so he can be messiah to his people. in lamb, joshua does not sin, but everything else about him is human. and if you have a person who cannot sin, then he needs someone to look out for him. you need someone like biff who's going keep him safe and do the lying and stealing and cheating when it's necessary for survival. who is, as raziel the angel states, a bit of an asshole. it just makes sense.

My Mother, Who Got Me Into This Business...

my mom called the other day to discuss this post, even though it had strict parental guidelines - as in, if you are my parent, you may not want to hear this stuff. convo went like this:

mom: so i read your entry-thingie you had posted on facebook, even though you said for me and rob not to...

me: it was just a "fair warning" kind of thing. i don't care if you read it.

mom: good, because i did. do you really feel this way?

me: which part?

mom: like you don't want a relationship at all?

me: absolutely. i'm am so beyond be able to trust someone and myself in that situation. can't do it.

mom: and you won't just sleep with someone... like one night stands or anything?

me: um, no. is this conversation going to make me uncomfortable soon?

mom: no, i'm just checking. you said you had morals. and you do. this is good, it means i raised you right. i'm glad you turned out that way - i did teach you something.

me: (starting to laugh) well, this IS all about you.

mom: of course it is! i don't want to have to say, "this is karen, my ho."

me: (snickering) well, i don't think you can call me your ho unless you're my pimp. in which case you'd be getting a percentage...

mom: nice. would it be enough to quit my job and live off you?

yep, we really have these conversations... :o)