Social Drawbacks

sometimes i wish i had more friends. let me clarify: this is not some teenage-y, emo, nobody-likes-me rant. i know and am friendly with lots of people, but i’ve never been the sort of person that has lots of close friends, which has always suited me just fine. i'm an introvert and an empath, and am very selective of who gets access to my energy. unfortunately, at this point in my life, most of the people closest to me live very far away. and on nights like these - when i just desperately want to go get a drink and listen to some live music - i really feel their absence. any one of my inner circle would absolutely hear that i need the company and the distraction and would make plans to join me. but they are not here, and i don’t really have anyone else to ask. those near me either can’t because it’s the middle of the week, or aren’t going to put my needs above their own. which is fine and understandable, but not helpful to me at the moment. i know i’m being selfish right now, but i really am so rarely selfish (and i really kind of need to be) that i simply can’t feel that bad about it. which leaves me on my own. and while i have never had a problem with hanging out alone, i’m not really in a place where sitting and drinking by myself seems like a good idea. so that leaves me on my couch without distractions, wishing for once that i had more willing-to-go-out-at-a-moment’s-notice friends.