Cherry Blossoms, Beavers, Frozen Yogurt, and Wax Figures

rob and i ventured into d.c. friday and saturday to wander about and take part in the cherry blossom festivities. as previously discussed, i sucked at life friday, but i was a bit better on saturday and much fun was had. high points of the weekend included, but were not limited to:

• discovering fro-zen-yo downtown; self-serve frozen yogurt and toppings for a very low price. and YUMMY!!
• fun photos at madame tussaud's
• a boat tour organizational mishap that led to an entertaining cruise around the potomac and anacostia rivers
• walking around the basin and taking pictures of the breathtaking sight that is the circle of cherry blossom trees in full bloom
• discovering ella's wood fire pizza and the deliciousness that was the "verdura" pizza
• meeting paddles the beaver (who reminds us all not to pick the cherry blossoms)
• 

Val and B.B. - A Tale of Two Intoxicating Women

from radio freefall: "the two women in the group... were as different from each other as valium and crystal meth."

i think this is an excellent description of me and charissa; both are very potent drugs, but they work in very different ways. when i sent this to c, she immediately and completely agreed. obviously (if you've ever met us, this will be easy to figure out) she is meth, and i am valium. i think it's part of why we work well as friends - we're opposites in a lot of ways, and we tend to balance each other out. almost immediately my nickname became "val", but meth proved harder to work with. "crystal" or "crys" just don't fit her, and are too close to her actual name anyway. "meth" is a stupid name for a person. c.m. (her actual initials, funnily enough) doesn't work either. so we started looking at street names for it. enter "black beauty" - a nickname for meth and the perfect (and very appropriate) one for her. we're using "b" or "b.b." for short. should i be concerned that a quote about drugs is what inspires our nicknames? i suppose it's just life imitating art, or in our case, art imitating life...

A Great Big Ball of Suck

this is what my life appears to be at the moment. b.b. (c's new nickname - i'll explain later) and i were discussing this today. i'm sick of it. i'm tired of hating life and being terminally depressed. it's exhausting, and it certainly can't be any fun for the people who have to be around me. i assumed that with rob visiting me for spring break, i'd be sufficiently excited and distracted, but not so. don't get me wrong - i love rob and i was very very glad to spend time with him. but i still had to literally force myself to do stuff. i still didn't want to do anything but hide in my bed and sleep. i spent much of friday apologizing for sucking at life (it was a particularly bad day for me), and i'm sure rob was tired of my continual sorry's, but i felt guilty. we should have been talking and laughing and being silly the whole time, and i just couldn't find it in me to do that. it's just ridiculous. i just wanted to spend time with one of my best friends and hang out and have fun, but it was torturous forcing myself to do so.

you know, people really shouldn't be able to screw up each other this way. and that goes all around, i guess. if girls in jon's past hadn't screwed with his head, maybe he would have been able to trust me and what we had, thereby avoiding effing me up royally. and, sadly, i'm really starting to believe that this is something that i'll just have to learn to live with. it's not like i'm ever going to be completely over him or anything - as i've said before, it can only be downhill after "love of your life" so what's the point? - so maybe this is a condition, like the fibro or panic disorder, that i'll just have to cope with. the pain may never go away, but hopefully my tolerance will go up - just like it has with my physical pain - and it'll be easier to live with. hopefully. i don't know. i don't know anything anymore. my world has been completely shattered, and i never knew it was possible for a single person to do that to me. bleagh. i'll stop kvetching now, i guess. i'm done, is all. just done.

What Would Happen If Ray Bradbury, David Bowie, Ayn Rand, and Metallica Got Together and Made a Book

i have started reading radio freefall by matthew jarpe, and really, the title of this blog is the best way i can think to describe it. it's intriguing and interesting, a rock 'n roll take on the future of the human race. it's smart, clever, and funny; it doesn't spoon-feed you, but allows you to connect the dots from our current state of affairs to the book's setting in 2031, giving you enough info to understand what's going on without spelling out everything in tedious exposition. i'm about 100 pages in, and i'm hooked. i'm not entirely sure where everything is going, and that's hard to find - something i love in a story, as long as the ending doesn't suck. if you like any and/or all of the things in the title, i suggest you give a try...

Just In Case You Weren't Sure...

john called me last night and shared this story with me. it made me laugh quite a bit...

As I am going on holiday in Key West in a week, I went shopping for a new swim suit. I headed into my local homo clothing store and was browsing, when greeted by a friendly German middle aged salesman. He held up a pair of trunks and with heavy accent said “These are nice. The wee-wee goes here in the front, the bum goes in the back, and everyone is happy.” Thank you, Mr.German Shopkeep for explaining the mystifying logistics of the men’s swim suit. I mean really, I have worn pants before, and I think I can maneuver a square piece of fabric with two leg holes without further instruction.

To Put it in Perspective...

germany says, "heißen sie willkommen zu 1883!"

the UK says, "welcome to 1911!"

france says, "accueillir à 1930!"

canada says, "bienvenue and welcome to 1961!"

australia says, "welcome to 1975!"

look, i get that americans kind of suck when it comes to "political traditions" and change. and i understand that this is a huge change that will take a while to implement. but look around, people. we need this change. unemployment is at a ridiculous level; and more importantly, a lot of people who have jobs (hi, america, my name is karen) only have part-time status - usually at more than one place - or work for a company that can't afford or doesn't offer health care for their employees. and seriously, this is not some crazy new radical idea. it's been in place in other countries - SUCCESSFULLY - for years. decades. even centuries, in some cases. bottom line is it works. and most importantly: PLEASE inform yourself with real facts, figures, and news about this bill. do not watch fox news and call this truth. do the research, find out the actual truth, and then if you still disagree, fine. but do so intelligently, instead of using the latest catch-phrase about what's "really going on" or how evil the supporters of this are.

ok, i'm down, and putting the soapbox away now...

The Impact of an Amazing Teacher

mrs. buchman (pronounced "bookman") was my fifth grade home-room teacher. i also danced at the same studio as her daughter, so i knew who she was before i had her, even though i always viewed her as "teacher" before "friend's mother." mrs. buchman was awesome. she knew how to make boring stuff fun - or at least less boring - knew how to keep us interested, and knew when we needed a break. she loved what she did, and she loved each and every one of us even when we were being difficult. and she "got" us. fifth and sixth grade are extremely tricky years, and i'd never be able to handle teaching those grades full-time. (i know people think i'm crazy for teaching high school, but i think elementary school is way harder to deal with. but i digress. as usual.) anyway, my point here is that mrs. buchman rocked. today, i got a friend request on facebook from "carolyn buchman." it actually took me a second, because of course when you're 11, you don't really think about your teachers having first names. once i realized it was my mrs. buchman i actually got really excited, and flattered that she'd remembered me and found me on facebook and wanted to touch base with me. she's one of the teachers that truly inspired me and made me realize how much a teacher could do for her students - that it wasn't just classwork and bookwork, but that you could teach life lessons and help students learn about themselves. i only hope that a former student of mine will someday feel that way about me.

Better Living Through Chemistry (Whether I Like It Or Not)

i've mentioned before how much i hate being dependent on meds, so i won't go into to that again. apparently the big ball of suck that is my current state of life is taking its toll on my body. i've started having chest pains, trouble breathing, and cluster headaches. i live with panic disorder; it runs in my family. and i understand that these things are textbook symptoms of anxiety and panic attacks, but it's never manifested this way in me before. i was also getting all ragey and angry, and that's not something i've ever done, no matter what level of anxiety or depression i've been at. so i went to the doctor, just to make sure there wasn't anything seriously wrong. after checking me out thoroughly and talking to me, she agreed that it was probably just anxiety in super-strength form. so she prescribed me some xanax to "take off the edge". i used to always have an emergency stash around in case i needed it - i think i went through 30 pills in about a year. because i hate drug reliance, i used it only when i couldn't function. but i've been out of the stash for a long long time (because thankfully i haven't needed to refill). so i had to start taking 2 to 4 half-pills a day just to keep functioning, which is more than i've ever taken before. i only had to take one half-pill yesterday, but then it was a lazy, gorgeous saturday that included a massage and a cupcake, so i expect that rage and pain will return when i have to deal with kids and parents and my assistant. so we'll see. surely the suck has to stop soon, or at least lessen...

Thank You For Being a Friend...

conversation with a 6-year-old last friday:

child: i'm going to oma's [his grandmother] this weekend!
me: cool! what are you going to do there?
child: oh, i usually chase the cats. but there's just one now.
me: yeah? what's its name?
child: blanche. she's still alive! the other one died, though. she was old.
me: what was her name?
child: rose.
me: [stifling laughter] of course it was. did she have another cat named dorothy?
child: nope. [pause while he tilts his head at me.] but she has a dog named dorothy!
me: [breaking into giggles] of COURSE she does! have fun with 'the girls'!

hilarious....

Quote of the Day

via amy, who is an elementary music teacher:

from kindergarten... upon hearing that we'd be singing/ reading the book "Puff the Magic Dragon" again, little girl says to her neighbor... Puff the Magic Dragon! That's my JAM!

pure awesomeness.