i Should Stop Thinking So Much...

I realized yesterday that I'm sort of holding my breath, waiting for the other shoe to drop. things are going marginally well, I'm healthier physically and emotionally, and I'm finding myself relatively happy. and here I am, apparently waiting for something to fall through, for someone to walk away, for something to implode. and I don't like it. I don't want to be suspicious of happiness and stability in my life. I mean, given past experiences, my worry is hardly unfounded or irrational, but still, it's no way to go around being. I don't know - maybe its good in a sort of reverse-psychology way? I never think about the possible downfalls, so when they happen, they're that much more devastating. maybe if I go into things expecting the worst, or at least allowing for those possibilities, it'll all be fine? sometimes my convoluted thought processes give me a headache. anyway, point is, I don't like assuming that things won't last, but I don't know how to fix that, as looking on the bright side of things never seemed to get me anywhere either. i don't like being negative. it's no fun and gets me nowhere. ah, well. one day at a time, everything into bite-sized pieces I suppose...