My Brain Is Full Again...

after a particularly bad anxiety episode - and I have not had one like that in a very long time - I sometimes find that I drastically want to change my life. I'm not sure if that's just a by-product of all the chemicals in my brain finding their equilibrium, or if I somehow attain some moment of clarity during that mess and I feel I should act on it. and while this seems like a good thing, it often has me wanting to make decisions that I probably shouldn't. just like communism and nuclear energy and a whole host of things that look good on paper, these ideas sound good, but ultimately are not things that will work well with who I am as a person. because right now I'm having two major impulses: one is to get out of Orlando (again) and be somewhere else where I'll be happier (where, I don't know), and to get rid of all my stuff and physically simplify my life as much as possible. on the surface, these seem like plausible, even good, ideas. especially the "stuff" part. I have a lot of crap. an entire 2 bedroom house of stuff, actually. and it's totally time to do some clearing out... but I have a tendency to go overboard when I actually do it. I either try to throw out everything and realize a week or a month later that I shouldn't have, or I get so bogged down that I can't bring myself to get rid of anything at all. and yes, it would totally be cheaper and easier to move into a one bedroom apartment. but I like having adult furniture and having a spare room so guests (and my parents) can stay with me and not have camp put on the couch. and moving is a very questionable option... where would I go? what would I do? I tried that a few years ago and nothing went as planned, and in the end I still owe my parents a bunch of money. I get along with people fairly well but I don't make close friends easily. I already knew Jen and her husband when I moved to Virginia, and it's a good thing since in the nearly 2 years I lived there, they were really the only people I did anything with. I counted my supervisor Joy as a friend, but that pretty much covered it. if I moved somewhere I didn't know anyone, I would be completely isolated. and with me there's a very very fine line between needing an appropriate amount of time to myself and feeling lonely and abandoned. it's stupid, but it's the way I am. and further more, I actually have a job I LIKE getting up in the morning to do, with people - well, most of them - that I enjoy thoroughly. why would I leave that? suffice it to say, I have issues. thanks for letting me ramble on about them pointlessly...