Throwing It All Away (Or Trying To)

"With the time I waste on the life I never had
I could've turned myself into a better man"
- toad the wet sprocket, "throw it all away"

I worked a party a couple weeks ago with a girl who just broke up with her boyfriend, and had already set her sights on a guy who works in the complex with us. and while I personally don't work that way, I undersstand the view point: that's over so it's time to move on. or as she said, "I just wasted two years of my life on someone who can't be bothered anymore. why should I waste anymore time on it?" and for whatever reason, at that moment it resonated with me. I've essentially wasted two years of my life mourning the loss of a future with a man who, contrary to previous actions, apparently decided I wasn't important enough to say goodbye to. and while I obviously needed the time to heal - and am still working on it - I can't keep letting my soul be damaged by someone who clearly wanted to be out of my life. damage has been done, I have to live with it and work through it, but I don't have to let it continue to scar me. I'm trying to open myself to possibilities around me. do I believe anything will work out? or even happen at all? I don't know. I'm not sure I believe I get to have a successful relationship or be happy. and yes, I know it's depressing and a sad viewpoint to have, but I have only my past to look at and the evidence seems to speak for itself. and I'm not sure I'd even be prepared for anything to actually happen. but I suppose the fact that I'm willing to see says something, right? well, we'll see I guess...