Well, That Didn't Quite Work...

last post was in april... so much for trying to write more as an outlet. ah, well. let's see. update: working at rdv sportsplex as a glorified baby-sitter for minimum wage - not loving that, though i do like working parties and special events; no longer teaching at the studio as lukasz has apparently decided that, after working there for a year, i "don't fit in with the studio" (read: i'm not skinny, i don't wear tons of make-up or dress to the nines to teach kids tap and ballet, and i'm not fake); started slowly weaning myself off the zoloft, which went fine until i took myself off completely - the physical withdrawal symptoms are mild and i'm dealing, but apparently i'm still mentally and emotionally a bit more effed-up than i gave myself credit for. which sucks on two levels: 1) i'm finding myself easily overwhelmed and having mild anxiety issues about every-day things that i should be able to deal with without blinking; and b) i'm having problems assimilating and dealing empathically - i'm not sure if it's because i'd gotten so used to the zoloft causing me not to feel things at full-strength, or because i'm just not able to handle other people's thoughts and feelings right now without pharmaceutical assistance. i assume it's the second, because of that "emotionally effed-up" discovery. which is not particularly cool, but i'm not really sure how to fix it. i suppose i can either suck it up and deal and stay off the drugs, or i can give in and go back on the small dose i've been taking for the last 2 months. i'm really not sure which is the better option, really...

ok, that concludes the extremely-colonic-and-parenthetical portion of today's discussion. i'd like to say that my posts will be more positive as i work to make my life more positive, but i can't promise that. this is my outlet, after all, so it is what it is and i'll say what i need to say. i suppose i can try a disclaimer system to warn you not to read the negative stuff, though it's not like lots of people read this anyway, so you know, maybe i won't... :o)