"Thank God You're There, I Can Shut Up Now."

on tuesday, i was sent out on an errand to our accountants' office. i had to google map it, of course, since i only have a working knowlege of direction in an 5 mile radius from my home. i had to map it twice since it automatically sent me on I-95, and that is not a motorway i care to attempt at 9 in the morning. i set out, 2 different sets of directions in hand. i decided to go the "long way" (read: not I-95) and was doing pretty well until some asshat decided to drive into me leaving me with two options: collide with the idiot and likely (as we were going 60 mph) end up in a hospital or a morgue, or jerk the wheel hard to the right and take an exit for some random state highway. clearly, i chose to live, however i now had a problem. i was not on either of my projected paths, and while it would seem like an easy thing just to turn around and get back on the other road, yeah, that wasn't an option - there was no apparent entrance from this road. i was in springfield, which i'd been in a few times, but i had no CLUE how to get from where i was to where i was going. so i called my personal gps system - my mother.

if mom is in her office, she's generally at the computer, which means she can look up addresses and directions and what-not for me. luckily, she was, so she did. unluckily, however, my phone took this moment to die - and my charger cord was mysteriously not in the car anywhere. now i couldn't even call the office itself for directions. i was now officially lost. and late. fan-figgin-tastic. eventually, i found my way to 395, miraculously chose the right direction, and got to where i was going. but i was done. i stopped on the way home to buy a gps.

i went to best buy. when the guy in the area came up to ask me what i needed, i said, "i'm tired of getting lost in this stupid area and i need a gps. preferable a tomtom. here, this one is good." "don't you want to look at some of the others?" "nope, just give me this one, it's fine." "well, ok, if you know what you want..." 15 minutes later, i had my gps. the next day at work, i downloaded an "optional voice" for the tomtom - eddie izzard. this is by far the best 5 pounds i have ever spent. or probably ever will. some of the directions are straight-forward, of course, but others.... on the way home last night i was told, "bear left, monkey right," "go straight on, you fool!" and then to "take the second left" in his sexie voice. today, when i chose not to take the route it set up for me, eddie yelled, "turn around straight away! and stop pissing about!"

brilliant. no more getting lost, and eddie tells me where to go. i'm pretty sure this is going to stop me from wanting to kill people the next time i'm stuck in traffic.