Dancing Giraffes

this photo makes me laugh, and it reminds me of my favorite headset conversation at FoLK (festival of the lion king, for non-disney people), which happened during "be prepared" ...

show control: giraffe?

me: yes, cheryl?

sc: whatcha doin?

me: fire wand routine.

sc: i see that. (pause) why?

me: well, we're down a girl. and i know the routine. and vicky [the giraffe puppet] is a good dancer.

sc: yes, we are. and yes, you do. and yes, she is. (long pause) giraffe?

me: yes, cheryl?

sc: how did Vicky get a raffia wand in her mouth?

me: savannah animals are very nice. and helpful.

sc: I see. (pause) giraffe?

me: yes, cheryl?

sc: don't ever do fire wand routine when i'm not the stage manager.

me: ok, cheryl!

Random Morning Musings

• i dislike the "in-between sick" feeling when you're just ill enough to feel like absolute crap, but not bad enough to justify staying in bed and shirking all responsibilities.
• a fine layer of roto resin on your skin works almost as well as latex as old age make-up. the problem being of course that it does NOT want to come off. i look like i have dragon skin on my right arm. so not cute.
• i am strong and adaptable; i can deal with almost anything as long as i know what's going on. i am useless if the situation i am in is nebulous and undefined. my mind just goes around in circles forever unless something definitive stops it. meanwhile, i just drive myself crazy. therefore...
• i strongly believe knowing is better than not knowing. always. or almost always - i'm sure there's an exception to this rule out there somewhere... there usually is. but in general (and specifically with me), even the worst things can be dealt with effectively if only i know what i'm dealing with. also, i need closure so my mind can shut up about things, and closure can't happen if i don't know what's going on.
• there is a very fine line for me between something building up and being completely overwhelming. and if i'm overwhelmed, i just shut down and can't deal with it. and this sounds very deep and emotional, but mostly it just applies to stupid things. like my apartment. it's become a bit of a disaster lately - not dirty, just... stuff everywhere, with things strewn about where i've left them instead of where they should be. it sort of crept up on me, and by the time i realized it was getting out of control, well, it was too late. my brain could no longer figure out where to start and therefore relegated it to the "i'll deal with it later" file. but since "later" has no specific date, it'll never get done. luckily i'll be moving in a few months, so i'll fix it then - and hopefully organize myself successfully enough in the new place (wherever that may be) so that this won't happen as easily.
• which is a theory that might work. i am, after all, in a better head space than i was a year and a half ago when i moved back down here. i'm still having moments - a few too many lately, if you ask me; but what can you do? - but my inability to deal with life is directly linked with how i keep my living space. if i can't deal with life, i can't be bothered with my surroundings. i'm ocd enough that germs and ickiness are not tolerated, but everything else? whatever. i'll try to set up my new place like i'm actually expecting people to come over and things...
• although i am occasionally a very social person, i only have a few close friends. i've always been like that - nothing new there. but lately (as i struggle with the loneliness) i'm struggling with that as well. when you only hang out with 3 or 4 people, and their schedules are all different from yours, you don't really get out much. well, i don't anyway. and sometimes i want to go out and be around people and meet people and have lots of friends to hang out with. but you know, not really. people are a lot of work. and being around a lot of random people is exhausting when you're picking up on everyone's energy and emotions, no matter how well you shield yourself. in the end, i'd much rather just hang out with someone i'm completely comfortable with. but that's a short list. and i do add to the list from time to time, but still...
• that circular thought pattern got away from me there, and wandered dangerously close to self-pity. sorry. and i apologize again, because the next thought is a bit self-indulgent as well...
• i am so very tired of being alone and being left behind. i've never been one of those people who needs to be with someone to be happy - and good thing too, given my extremely sparse dating life - and i'm very self-reliant. but you know what? i'd like to not be lonely for a while. or ever. whatever. however...
• while i'm very good at being in a relationship - from my limited experience anyway - i am absolute rubbish at everything leading up that. i have no idea of the standard social norms and protocols for dating or flirting are. everyone else seems to understand these things inherently; i am clueless. i don't understand games or tactics or anything like that. (i think this is why jr. high sucked so badly for me - it's ALL about social tactics and mind games and i had no idea what was going on. ever.) i'm even worse now that i'm afraid to put myself out there again.
• and also there's the fact that i never want things in the abstract. i don't want simply to date anyone. i don't - and can't - just let anyone in to my life. so it's got to be someone that fits. and that narrows down the possibilities to a sliver. that doesn't help. i could easily "not be alone" but that isn't the same as being happy with someone.
• apparently, my head was a bit fuller than i thought. and with weightier things than i thought. ah, well. i suppose it's better to blather on than to leave them stuck in my head.
• you know what i really want? a jelly donut. i've been craving one for the last month or so, something fierce. it's something i just can't find a gluten-free equivalent for. which is extremely sad. jelly donuts are good.
• today is a cure kind of day. "mint car" just came on and pretty much made my day.
• that is all for now. i think.