Apparently My Fortune Cookie Wants Me To Be a Vegas Showgirl

fortune cookie say: "do not lose sight of your childhood dreams."

(true story: my mother's reaction to learning that her 5-year-old wanted to be a vegas showgirl went like this... mom: why is that? me: because i'd get to dance all day and wear sparkly costumes. mom: um, ok... i really can't argue with that. one of the many reasons why my mother rocks...)

I Am an EXCELLENT Influence!

my mom came to visit me this weekend (something that was very much appreciated given my current state of being), and we did a little bit of shopping. we headed to the outlets because mom was on a quest to find water-proof boots that she could use when slogging down the driveway and digging the car out and things. we went to a few places, checked out different types of shoes, and i opened her eyes to the simple irrefutable truth that cute shoes (and cute underwear too, actually) can make any icky day a little bit brighter. so mom went home with black and white houndstooth patterned rain boots, two very cute pairs of chucks, some sparkly sandals, and two pairs of fun flats. MAN, i'm good... spreading joy through fun footwear - that should be my new motto! hmmmmm...

addendum: since john is apparently "internetally challenged," he asked me to add his comments below:

A. You should never let driveway slogging dictate your choice of footwear.

B. Chucks?? Awesome. I love you both just a little bit more.

I Can't Even BEGIN To Interpret This...

there were a lot of bizarre situations in my dreams last night, including (but not limited to) me playing tennis - something i haven't done since high school, and then not competitively or even seriously - and winning large amounts loose jewels (mostly emeralds, sapphires, and rubies) for said tennis playing, dancing on the beach and tossing some of the aforementioned stones into the water, and dressing up as a vegas showgirl for a photo shoot. all this pales in comparison to the oddest and most inexplicable part of the dream. normally, it's pretty easy for me to figure out what's going on in my dreams; i can connect them to events or emotions in my life, or things i've recently seen or heard. but this... i got nothing. SO random. and so oddly specific. here it is:

i was wandering through the woods taking photos, and then decided to head back to my car. when i was almost there, a policeman/security officer type person in a dark uniform rode up on the back of a clydesdale stallion (although i referred to it as a lippizaner), holding a golden retriever puppy. (only he wasn't really puppy, he was just young, about 2 years old. see? oddly specific.) the retriever started singing the first line to queen's "somebody to love" and the horse joined in on the word "love." then the horse repeated the line. i took a picture of them as they trotted past, and was very impressed with the animals' singing voices, though disappointed that they didn't know more of the song.

yep. and i didn't even eat anything before bedtime, so i have no idea where any of that came from. anyone got any ideas? 'cause i've got nothing...

My New Philosophy

i am pretty much much wiped out as a human being right now. i'm so hurt and torn apart that i just have nothing left. and i'm trying to put one foot in front of the other - baby steps for right now - so i can start the healing process. so my new philosophy is this: once i get to a place where i don't have to literally wade through two feet of snow in order to get to my car, i plan to wear ridiculous shoes whenever i go out somewhere. to lunch, to run errands (as long as i won't be on my feet for hours), whatever. because ridiculous shoes make me happy. and if i'm wearing ridiculous shoes, it's impossible to be absolutely completely miserable. and if i'm not completely miserable, then there's still hope right? so that's my new therapy plan, to put one fabulously shoed* foot in front of the other until i find myself in a better place. to that end, i welcomed three new pairs into the fold, courtesy of dsw's sales and my tax return.

and of course, there are all the shoes i already own that fit the required parameters....

and of course these. (well, not the first ones so much, but the others all qualify.) and these...

and THAT'S my new philosophy!

*yes, i know the correct term is "shod," but i just don't think it sounds as good as "shoed."

Pointless Self-Indulgent Pity

i don't, as a rule, enjoy feeling sorry for myself. most of the time i just put on my big girl panties and deal with life, because really - what else is there to do? but i'm wallowing a little right now, and it's very irritating. so what i'm going to do is this: i'm going to get it all out in one (albeit long) sentence, and then i will go back to trying to pick up the pieces of my life. okay, here we go...

i hate pretty much everything about my life at this moment; i'm alone, snowed in to my apartment, in virginia, my flight was cancelled so i'm missing juliana's wedding (in t-minus 31 minutes), i'm very sick, and my heart is aching for a man who has not spoken to me in over three months and who i quite inexplicably still want to spend my life with. did i mention my head is exploding?

okay, stupid self-involved moment over. i hope. (and yes, technically that was two sentences. whatever. my blog, my rules, right?)

**update: add to that the fact the power went out for many hours, making it very cold... oi.

Well, Apparently The Answer Is "You Don't" When It Involves Me...

went and saw cowboy mouth this weekend with kristin and her sister... and i promise to detail the as-per-usual kick-ass-iness of the show at a later date, but i just needed to share some of these lyrics as they keep going 'round my head.

how do you tell someone (you don't love them)

Michael says don't shout at me like I was born a fool
You speak of love and scream of love now dare to treat me cruel
Nothings fair in love and war, so please lets make some rules,
There's a little boy who's cryin' over here

Did you ever know me, I swear that I have tried
did you ever need me, I feel like I just died
Did you ever want me, I swear that I have tried
How do you tell someone you don't love them
How do you tell someone you don't care anymore
How do you tell someone you don't love them anymore

Tina says I wish that I had never seen you smile
your name is written on my soul in alphabetic file
all I've got's my dignity, so I will leave in style
there's a million of us crying over here

everytime I talk to you there's no one listening
everytime I reach for you there's no one there
everywhere I look for you there's no one to be found

if you'd like to listen to the song (it's a great song) click here.

I Call the Back Seat!

so, i just had a realization this weekend that kinda threw me a little. it's been 2 years since we lost mikey, almost 2 since we lost roy, and nearly six (six!) years since we lost jefe and jamie. i suppose losing 4 co-workers (or former co-workers) in the space of 4 or 5 years doesn't seem that huge in the scheme of things, especially in a company as large as disney. but it's different in entertainment. co-workers are not just that; they're your family. love them or hate them, you spend a lot of your time with them, and they touch your life one way or another. in this case, all four wonderful men left far before their time should have been up. and they have definitely left their mark on all of us that were lucky enough to have known them. hope it's going well up there, guys - and i call back seat on the roy bus when i get there! (scoot over, mikey, you can totally share...)