The Only Time Snoring (and Drooling) Is Cute

i went over to jen's the other day; i took with me the plethora of crafting supplies i own, to help her put together a project for her sister's birthday.  we were in the sunroom, stuff spread out on the floor, the boy playing next to us with his jungle playset thingie.  after awhile, gray decided he wanted to play with our stuff instead, and did not take it well that we kept moving things like scissors and stamp pads out of his reach.  to appease him, i put him on my lap and began trying to distract him with random toys, so his mommy could work.  he was playing with his blue elephant when he leaned to the side and passed out cold, 60 to 0 in 5 seconds flat.  he's got a bit of a cold, so he's a bit snuffly when breathing - despite this fact, he had crashed face-down into my sleeve, and wouldn't be moved. so i had an armful of cute, snoring, 8-month-old baby while the two of us giggled at him.  too precious. :o)

But What Am I Going To Wear?

i'm not sure if the following story makes a statement about the kind of person i am, that c is, or about our friendship in general... (possibly all of the above.)

c called me earlier this evening and said, "ok, so just be aware, you and i are going to slovakia.  possibly soon."  my first question was, "when are we going?" the second, "what's the weather like?" which naturally led to, "what should i pack?" and then, "how am i affording this?" not until about 8 or 9 on the question list did i finally come up with "wait, WHY are we going to slovakia?"  nope, didn't even crack the top 5 in the List of Pertinent Information about taking a trip half-way around the world to places i've never been and don't speak even the slightest bit of the language. 

i have priorities, it just seems as though they're in a slightly different order from the rest of the world...

Just Hand Me the Green Sippy Cup And No One Gets Hurt

this past weekend i went to orlando for a little r & r, some bnl, and a few other initials. the flight i found took me up to nyc before heading down to florida - because clearly, it's cheaper to take 2 flights instead of one and head north before going south - but should have been fairly easy. flight at 12:50, an hour layover at jfk, then into orlando at 5:40. yeah, i should know better. i found bwi, parked out in the long-term lot, and made it to my flight on time. i boarded the plane and we started toward the runway. then we sat there. and sat there. finally the captain came on, appologized, and explained that jfk was "regulating the volume of planes in and out of the airport," and we'd be sitting on the tarmac for another 50 minutes till we were cleared to leave. fantastic. then later in the flight, we were instructed to go into a holding pattern over atlantic city. when we finally touched down, and i made my way to the terminal (just 2 minutes before my next flight was scheduled to leave), i found out that it had actually left early. lovely. ok, no problem, just have to find the next flight. which wasn't till 8:30 that night. it was the only other flight from jfk to mco. so eventually they found me a flight to boston, which then connected with a flight to orlando. fine. then the flight to boston was delayed. when i got to boston, i had to switch airlines, and therefore terminals. wonderful. seriously, i must have walked over a mile - and quickly - to get to the delta flight. there were no trams, so i had to hoof it through corridor after corridor, down an escalator, and to another terminal, where i had to go through security again. at this point, it's 7:05 and my flight is set to leave at 7:20. and of course they have to look through my bag. "i'm never making my flight," i said wearily to the nice man who had to shake down my luggage. "what time?" he asked. i told him. "no problem, just head down that escalator and it'll be straight ahead. good! down the escalator, check. then.... not so much. three more long corridors (two of which had people-movers that were broken) up another escalator, then down to the end of the terminal to get to the gate. i was the next to last person to get on before the aircraft doors were shut. luckily we had an extremely entertaining old queen of a flight attendant that made me laugh. plus, my card wouldn't go through when i tried to pay for a fruit and cheese tray (i hadn't been able to eat since noon-ish), so he gave it to me for free. when i finally got to orlando, and finally got to rob's car, he handed me a green sippy cup (well, a sports bottle) full of gentleman jack and coke. and that, dear reader, is a good friend.

"Thank God You're There, I Can Shut Up Now."

on tuesday, i was sent out on an errand to our accountants' office. i had to google map it, of course, since i only have a working knowlege of direction in an 5 mile radius from my home. i had to map it twice since it automatically sent me on I-95, and that is not a motorway i care to attempt at 9 in the morning. i set out, 2 different sets of directions in hand. i decided to go the "long way" (read: not I-95) and was doing pretty well until some asshat decided to drive into me leaving me with two options: collide with the idiot and likely (as we were going 60 mph) end up in a hospital or a morgue, or jerk the wheel hard to the right and take an exit for some random state highway. clearly, i chose to live, however i now had a problem. i was not on either of my projected paths, and while it would seem like an easy thing just to turn around and get back on the other road, yeah, that wasn't an option - there was no apparent entrance from this road. i was in springfield, which i'd been in a few times, but i had no CLUE how to get from where i was to where i was going. so i called my personal gps system - my mother.

if mom is in her office, she's generally at the computer, which means she can look up addresses and directions and what-not for me. luckily, she was, so she did. unluckily, however, my phone took this moment to die - and my charger cord was mysteriously not in the car anywhere. now i couldn't even call the office itself for directions. i was now officially lost. and late. fan-figgin-tastic. eventually, i found my way to 395, miraculously chose the right direction, and got to where i was going. but i was done. i stopped on the way home to buy a gps.

i went to best buy. when the guy in the area came up to ask me what i needed, i said, "i'm tired of getting lost in this stupid area and i need a gps. preferable a tomtom. here, this one is good." "don't you want to look at some of the others?" "nope, just give me this one, it's fine." "well, ok, if you know what you want..." 15 minutes later, i had my gps. the next day at work, i downloaded an "optional voice" for the tomtom - eddie izzard. this is by far the best 5 pounds i have ever spent. or probably ever will. some of the directions are straight-forward, of course, but others.... on the way home last night i was told, "bear left, monkey right," "go straight on, you fool!" and then to "take the second left" in his sexie voice. today, when i chose not to take the route it set up for me, eddie yelled, "turn around straight away! and stop pissing about!"

brilliant. no more getting lost, and eddie tells me where to go. i'm pretty sure this is going to stop me from wanting to kill people the next time i'm stuck in traffic.