At Least the Micro-Bathroom Was Good For Something

bloody hell. for the past 24-hour-or-so period, i have been embroiled in a nasty battle with some type of equally nasty infection. even since the fibro onset, i don't really get colds and flus and things anymore. my body is so busy fighting off EVERYTHING (including things that it shouldn't), that those things don't get past my hyper-active immune system. so when i started being violently ill tuesday morning, it actually only took about 5 hours before i gave in and went to the lorton office. if you know me, you know that i abhor going to the doctor's for what i consider minor stuff - and normally throwing up would fit into that category. but i was so ill, so violently, for so long a continuous period - plus i was in some nasty pain, too - that i shlepped myself in. part of the reason was because my gall bladder was acting up last week, so i wanted to make sure that wasn't the problem. but i haven't been that sick since i had the norwalk virus over four years ago.

if you've never had norwalk - and let's hope you haven't, and never will have it - it is amazingly horrific. it's not something i would wish on my worse enemy. well, not that i really have enemies, but you know what i mean. in fact, now that i think about it, it should really be instituted as a form of justice. seriously. infect an inmate with norwalk, give him just enough fluids to not be at a critical state, and let him suffer for a week. i swear to you, it would be more effective than locking someone up in a climate-controlled jail with cable tv, libraries, and gym equipment. when you have norwalk (and this is going to get a little gross, so just skip to the next paragraph if you're squeamish), everything in your body is going to be purged any way it possibly can. whenever it can. all at the same time. you have chills and sweats, and usually can't walk more than 20 feet without passing out. any form of liquid you may try to put in you, will simply flow right back out without passing go and collecting $200. if you've never been in a crew cabin on a cruise ship, you have no idea how tiny those rooms can be. even on the sovereign, where the cabins could be considered downright luxurious, the bathrooms are ridiculous. to give you an idea: imagine stepping inside and shutting the door behind you. there is no actual space to move in, so you turn in place and sit on the toilet. the sink is directly to your left - and i mean directly. no matter how skinny you may be, when sitting on the toilet, your left arm is going to be up against the sink. the basin of the sink starts almost immediately; not a lot of counter space here. which mean you can sit on the toilet, lift your left arm up and rest in on the sink, and then lean over and yak into the sink without having to move at all. which is how i spent the better part of two days. thank goodness my roommate was generally down in her boyfriend's cabin. i just sat there purging in between moments of passing out on the sink. fun times.

they ran a quick panel on my blood to see if i had an infection, and it seems i do. antibiotics were prescribed along with anti-nausea pills so i could keep the antibiotics down. it's been a slow-progressing battle, but i think i'm starting to feel a little better... at least i managed to get in about 6 hours of sleep, so hopefully that'll help. i had been planning to head to my parents' house today, so we'll see how that goes... wish me luck. bleagh.

Thoughts, Questions, and Comments After Weekend Shopping

1. if you are in the nations largest outlet mall, and it's the weekend before christmas, you do NOT get to pull out your cellphone and attempt to text someone while slowing your pace to that of a snail on quaaludes. either put the phone away, move to the side out of the flow of traffic, or learn to multitask for pete's sake.

2. i'm pretty sure i lost several i.q. points while browsing in forever 21, just from the music. if you are using the phrase, "your dress looks like a silhouette," mayhap you don't actually know what the word "silhouette" means. look it up. or keep some people around you with an intelligence level above 60 so that they can tell you when you sound like an idiot. oh, and for the record, i find it hard to believe that you care overmuch about her "impressive intellect" when the chorus tells us that you want to park the car and go "porn-style". really? several i.q. points frittered away...

3. and while we're on the topic of music, is it really necessary to have a disco/funk version of "sleigh ride" with someone trying his very best (and failing) to be james brown?

4. also (same theme) what possesses you to make a dance/hip-hop version of "santa claus is coming to town" complete with a rap at the bridge that rhymes "snow" with "fo' sho?" eeks.

5. question: how did salt n peppa get away with "push it" in the late 80's? i mean, it's pretty impressive, really. how did that not get censored off the airways? a current katy perry song has an entire line or two (awkwardly) edited out so that it doesn't mention "pms" or "bitch" on pop radio, but back then they somehow got away with lines like "the music's pumpin' hard like i wish you was," and "get up on dick"... i know they said the line was, "get up on this," but we all know better. those ladies had some pretty big cojones.

6. if you decide to take your ten year old son shopping, please consider that there may be things that are not appropriate for him. for example, taking him into a store and making him carry your chosen selection of frilly underwear, lace bras, and leopard print cami/thong sets so that your hands are free to browse - probably not the most responsible thing to do. i'm just saying.

7. okay, back to christmas music. can someone explain to me how "favorite things" became a "christmas classic"? it's a song that, in the sound of music, is used to calm the children because their country is being invaded by nazis and the world is going to shit around them. HOW does this relate to christmas exactly?

8. ikea has excellent mashed potatoes. i had to stop by and get some stuffed ferrets for the mayzie-dog for christmas (her current ferret, though she still loves it, has no stuffing and only one paw left), and decided to also get dinner. it was a good decision on my part.

9. i tried the lingonberry juice with my taters and baguette. it was quite tasty, actually. it vaguely reminded me of something - something from my childhood, but it was just vague enough to remain out of reach. even so, it was a delicious surprise.

10. i am having issues with shoes for new years. c is coming up and we're going to the official "downtown countdown," which i'm very excited for (largely because cowboy mouth is involved), and we are actively trying to put together our outfits for the night. clearly, i want to rock some kick-ass heels. the problem is this: ever since i became broken, i can't wear heels for a long period of time. and it's not like my feet just get a little sore; that i could (can, have, and would) deal with. what happens, though, is that the pain becomes literally crippling. it very quickly gets to the point where it hurts to even take a few steps, then eventually my ankles will join in on the fun and start weakening, and then my feet will start cramping in earnest. this is not cute or fun. and i fully intend on jumping up and down and dancing like a fool the entire time cowboy mouth is on the stage. "so just wear flats," i hear you saying. and yes, flats will solve the problem, but here's the thing: there are NO FABULOUS FLATS. sure, there are cute ones, but cute doesn't cut it for a formal, "creative black-tie" dress code. at least not for me. cute is not kick-ass, fabulous, or even fantastic - and i can't ring in the new year in less-than-fantastic shoes... that's like going against everything i stand for. hence my conundrum. sigh.

11. silver and gold metallic pleather hot shorts... are these really necessary to sell?

12. while shopping in dress barn (and finding some very cute things for myself and others), i stumbled across two of the most hideous christmas sweaters EVER. we're talking beading and sequins and crocheted appliques and everything. i mean, they were just AWFUL. it was awesome. they were 60% off, and i really debated buying one of them. it's not often you get a chance to own something that horrendous for less than $15. i may actually go back and get one before i go home on wednesday...

Free Fridays Food (And Awesome Alitteration, Apparently)

i went to the post office today on my lunch break to (finally) mail my christmas cards. it took no time at all, so i decided to go down the road to the t.g.i.fridays to get a turkey burger. i was greeted by an immensely pleasant staff who then, after i ordered my t-burger (no onions, and a side of ranch), got me a decaf coffee while i waited. (i know i normally don't do plain coffee, but it was cold and rainy out, and it seemed like a good idea.) generally, fridays tends to be quick about food turnaround, especially for takeout, but today i waited nearly 40 minutes for my order. honestly, it wasn't that big of a deal - it seemed that they were having major staff communication issues, but someone came to check on me and apologize every 5 or 10 minutes after my food should have been out. eventually it was ready, and i paid with my debit card. as i was about to leave, the manager on duty apologized again and handed me $16 worth of gift certificates for waiting so long due to staff issues. awesome customer service, especially since i didn't complain at all. (although, now that i think about it, i found that those people were the ones i wanted to do things for when i worked at disney...) so not only did i get free food, i actually gained money today. not bad, not bad...

Stupid Fibro Fog

thanks to the zoloft, i don't have to deal with "fibro fog" as often anymore. (and yes, it's a real problem - inconvenient and sometimes scary... look here or here for more info.) anyway, it decided to rear its ugly head this morning. besides waking up late and not being able to find my socks, i also walked out of my house without my glasses. by the time i realized this conciously, it was too late to go back and get them. fantastic. it's also (just to add insult to injury) gross and rainy out, and most of my drive home is in the dark; my night vision is crap as it is, without adding lack of depth perception and rain fuzziness to the mix. i guess it's a good thing i do a lot of under-30-mph driving while on route 1 on the way home... wish me luck...

stupid fibro.

Even Better Than Free Health-Care

honestly, the best job perk ever? getting to wear scrubs to work. seriously, getting to wear your jammies all day and still managing to look professional... what could be better than that?

The Definition of Irony

looking online at webmd.com for health info when you work in a doctors' office...

(example courtesy of me this morning... oi)

Ghetto Lattes

even if i was not currently in debt, i would still have a hard time justifying a $4 starbucks drink every day. or even every other day. but sometimes you just need one in the morning. enter 7-11. i have found that if you pour a cup about 2/3 full of coffee, add in the "steamed milk" from one of those generic cuppuchino machines, and then doctor it up with some flavored creamers and syrups, you can have a pretty darn good latte for little more than a dollar. sure, it's no starbucks or caribou, but it's a pretty good substitute.

Losing Ten Pounds With a Lebanese Man

my hair was getting ridiculous – so ridiculous that i was about ten seconds away from snatching up a pair of surgical scissors and chopping it all off. instead, i called jen, who referred me to her hair place. i was just going to make an appointment, but then she started giving me directions and i thought, what the hell? so on my lunch break yesterday i wandered out to frizzles in search of hair help.

for the past year or so, my hair routine has consisted of wash, dry bangs (only), and pull back in a clip. mornings are so hard for me now – i see no reason why i should get up any earlier than i absolutely have to, and fixing yards of hair definitely cuts into sleep time. all that scooping back and clipping has worn on my hair; not to mention it hasn’t been cut by anyone but me (and bangs only) in that time. the ends were pretty damaged, i had a lot of breakage from pulling it back, and it needed serious help.

enter Jackie. he was the pretty awesome Lebanese man at frizzles that tamed the craziness on my head. it ended up shorter than the initial cut he made (the one i agreed to) but it looks awesome, so i’m dealing. (and side bar: who knew lebanese men had such a talent for hair? i mean, i know the vietnamese seem to have an amazing talent with nails, but i hadn't heard about the lebanese...) a huge difference since my hair was nearly to my waist, thick and heavy, but it’s ok – just dealing with the adjustment period. my hair actually has a style now, even though it’s going to add another 10 minutes to my morning routine. now if i can just find a place to get my eyebrows waxed, i’ll be set…

The Freedom in Being Lost

after work today, i decided to wander a little. the best way for me to figure out how to get around in a new city is to drive it, so that’s what i did. i got myself lost and found, lost again and found again, lost once more – and this time pretty well. but there was no panic, no oh-my-god-i’m-lost-and-how-will-i-ever-find-my-home feeling. just a feeling of freedom. i had nowhere to go and no time to be there, so i just wandered. i think i journeyed into Alexandria proper, and on into some suburbs thereof. i did attempt to call rob and see if his iphone could make sure i wasn’t heading to albequerque, but it seems that although the iphone is capable of doing almost everything except wash the dishes, it doesn’t like to let you talk and surf the web at the same time. ah, well – no worries. i eventually found my way to 395, which led me to 95, which had an exit to Lorton, which led me to a road i knew. i took the long, scenic way home, and it felt lovely.