I Love the Fall

while i may have mixed emotions about my upcoming move, one thing i'm definitely happy about is the chance to experience fall again. it's always been my favorite season, with the air turning cooler and crisper, and the leaves bursting into colors. the last two weekends up north (or, well, north-ish... anywhere is north from here) have reminded me of this. this photo is what i'm talking about...

Trick or Treat

i went home last weekend and was promptly dragged to a community dinner in stewartstown. we used to go to these almost every month, and everyone came – although attendance has apparently dwindled quite a bit over the years. after the dinner, there was a town meeting. i was getting uncomfortable from sitting on the hard seats – and it’s not like anything that would be discussed would actually affect me – so i decided to go take a walk outside.

have you ever walked around a place and the memories seem so far away that it feels like a lifetime ago? i walked down the street where i used to trick or treat; past the fields where we would run and play when i visited my cousins; over to the house that used to be the mcgregors’. it really has been a long time since i’ve wandered in this area, but it seems even longer. i don’t know if it’s because the last year felt more like four or five, or what, but i felt kind of disconnected from the area and my memories of the place. i mean, it’s not like i’m eighty and have this vast life time of memories to pour over or anything…

anyway, there’s a house on a hill just down the road from where i was. i didn’t walk over that far, mostly because i didn’t feel like mountain climbing in cool weather and causing an asthma attack, but it was the best house to go to when trick-or-treating. not very many kids ever went up there because it was a hike – the house sat on the crest of the hill, the road in the valley below it. it didn’t matter how good of shape you were in, by the time you were halfway up, you’d be puffing and wheezing and cursing the godforsaken landscape. so why did we bother? the people who lived there understood the ridiculous amounts of effort involved, and made the trek worth our whiles; not only did they give out full-size candy bars, they packaged several of those candy bars together for each trick-or-treater who rang the bell. granted, we often had to stop and rest (and eat one of those bars) before heading back down to continue our candy culling, but it was totally worth it.

Ham!

for a few years in college, my friends dale and annie lived in a house on willie st. this was our central headquarters and crash pad. it was the closest place to walk to after a night downtown, a convenient “rest stop” between classes (when walking all the way back to my house in south park was out of the question), and just generally where we’d gravitate when we couldn’t think of anything else to do. neither john nor i had a key to the place – which, in retrospect was very odd, considering the alternative – so we became adept at breaking in through the window in the spare room. lest you think this illegal or shady, please understand that annie is the one who figured out the best method for breaking in and had us all do “trial runs” to make sure we could do it safely and effectively. (of course, the definitions of “safe” and “effective” varied in direct proportion to how much alcohol we had consumed, but that’s beside the point.)

just behind this house was a street that would occasionally shut down for a block party. this was extremely convenient, and we took advantage of it when we could. the first “official” block party (read: legal) happened sophomore year. several bands were scheduled to play throughout the evening, including kind insight, made up of fellow theatre students. while there was definitely plenty of mind-altering substances about, i only indulged in the alcoholic kind. however, because there was quite a lot of “alternative smoking” going on, i ended up with quite the contact buzz without so much as touching the stuff. so did everyone in a three block radius, probably. it didn’t take long for the munchies to set in, so john, ferruso, tony, and i set off for the dairy mart just down the hill.

okay, two bits of background info: one, wvu is built on the side of a mountain – when i say “down the hill” i’m not talking about a gentle slope on a straight road. i’m talking a winding, mountain road complete with blind turns and a steep grade. the store we were headed to was no more than a block away, but there were a few sharp twists in the road along the way. (trust me, this is imperative to the story, so just do your best to imagine it.) and two, “dairy mart” is a chain of convenience stores in the area, and they sell (or sold, anyway) fresh, warm calzones that were the best drunk food ever. the most popular calzones were the ham and cheese, and the pepperoni. they made three cheese ones too, but not as many as the others; by the end of the day, cheese calzones were hard to find.

the trip down was fairly uneventful. once there, we ordered our calzones and wandered back up to the party. there were no cheese calzones left, so john, being vegetarian, had opted for something else - probably something equally healthy like zingers and more cigarettes. i didn’t eat either ham or pepperoni at the time, so i opted for the ham and cheese; the ham was in four or five large slices and were therefore easy to take out and discard. i began the discard process as we headed back up the hill. now, remember, i’m a little tipsy with a good contact buzz going on. to entertain my friends – and myself – i took out one piece of ham at a time, yelled, “ham!” as a warning, and then tossed the ham into the street. “wouldn’t it be funny if you hit a car with that?” john asked as he laughed at me. and then on cue, as i yelled “ham!” and tossed the pork product street-ward, a small convertible emerged from behind the curve. the ham slice smacked the windshield, dead center. the convertible braked and we heard a “what the hell?” in the near distance. at this point, we were so hysterical with laughter that we had to sit down on someone’s front steps before we fell over. i couldn't hear the car coming over the sounds of mellow music and shouts and catcalls. the sun was only starting to set, so the car didn't have it's lights on for me to see. the timing was just that good. just as we started to be able to breathe again, we heard, “is that HAM? did someone throw HAM at us?” from the guys in the car. fresh laughter broke out and it took us a while to start back up the hill. it took us a lot longer to stop randomly yelling out “ham!” and bursting into giggles…

Regardless of Your Political Views...

this is sheer brilliance. but it does make some excellent points...

See more Ron Howard videos at Funny or Die

Basically, Be Don Draper

i don't watch snl much anymore... there's a lot of mediocre stuff to wade through to get to the occasional strokes of comic genius. this, however, would be one of said strokes...

Grandma G's Homemade Applesauce

seriously, it’s one of the best. things. ever. she had just made a batch of it when i came in on saturday, and i sit here now, on the plane ride back, tupperware container full of tart apple-y goodness in one hand, the other hand alternatively typing and shoveling spoonfuls of it into my mouth. completely worth the entire trip home, as far as i’m concerned...

Fixing a Hole Where The Rain Gets In

i’ve always had crazy vivid dreams. crazy, vivid, lucid dreams which allow me to be aware of what’s happening around me and change it if need be. these dreams are so real, in fact, that i have memories of things that i’m not sure really happened – not in waking time anyway. i have told amusing anecdotes only to be corrected later that those things didn’t happen at all. or i might be half way through a story only to realize that it couldn’t have happened that way, even though it’s as clear as day in my head.

i also – and please skip this paragraph if you’re not used to the weird “psychic friends network” things that i do – visit a lot in my dreams. This means that i often “wander” past other people’s dreams, sometimes stopping for a while, sometimes not. This is something i think a lot of people do, but they aren’t aware of it and/or don’t remember it. lots of times i visit with friends, or they visit me. (my favorite ever was the time rob wandered into my dream. we “walked” back to his dream, where we stood at the edge and looked in. there were all kinds of odd things happening in there including, if i remember correctly, clowns, pineapples, and monkeys. “you want to go back?” i asked, gesturing at the madness. without taking his eyes off the clowns, rob shook his head. “no, it’s weird in there. i’ll just go back to yours.”) sometimes, though, i wander through the dreams of randoms – people i don’t know, or at least not yet. these dreams have gotten more vivid lately, and easier to remember. easier to navigate too… i can wander in and out as I want, stopping if there’s something interesting to watch or do.

the dream I had the other night started out as mine, but eventually i wandered elsewhere. it’s just amazing to me how detailed the dreams are now, and how many of those details i remember. i was in my old room in my parents’ house; my mom and i were discussing how the ceiling was weakening, and how dad was in the other room getting ready to fix it. the ceiling boards in my room creaked, and i moved mom away just before they fell. We both laughed about the timing and my dad came in to put it back up. later, i was in our little loft space, helping dad patch up a leak near the skylight. it started pouring and i ran to get a bucket to catch it. the funny thing is that none of us were upset about any of this – it didn’t seem like leaks and falling-down roofs were anything to worry about. and as I caught the rain in the bucket, i remember mentioning to dad that i needed to write a blog about this, and that i could title it “fixing a hole where the rain gets in.” then we put on a beatles record (clearly) and sang along while working.

they’re very random, my dreams, but at least they’re entertaining. it’s like having my own cineplex in my head every night. too bad it doesn’t come with free movie theatre popcorn…

I Am A Lousy Groupie

you know i love my music, and especially my live music. i also love my ridiculously talented friends who make music for us and for themselves. i go to shows when I can, dragging others with me, and i’m constantly sharing their music with others who I think might enjoy it. and i suppose i can blame it on being poor, and being a little stressed with the moving stuff, but the truth is I’ve missed the last couple of afterglow and junkie rush shows, as well as those of other assorted local bands. also – and this is the big reason that i’m a sucky groupie – i have yet to buy the new agr cd. after harassing (in good fun, of course) jeremy and eric because the cd was delayed for a few months, i find myself without it even though it’s been out for a while now. i need to get back on the ball. and what with the possible move, i need to get in as much local band time as possible. of course, maybe that just means they need to go on tour to northern Virginia…

conflicted

in my life, i generally know when to start something new, or when it’s time to give up on something. the universe generally gives me not-so-subtle hints about what I should or should not be doing; getting fired from Disney so that i could tap more strongly into empathic stuff and (more importantly) get to travel on cruise ships and meet new and awesome people is one of the more forceful nudges i’ve been given. i now seem to be at a similar place – there’s no real reason why i shouldn’t have a full time job somewhere and be able to pay my rent, except for the possibility that i’m just not meant to be here anymore. and it’s not without its safety nets… i have an awesome job offer where i’d be close to my “sister” jen, i’d be near enough to my family to visit over a weekend, and i’d be making good money.

which is why i don’t understand the inner conflict that’s happening right now.

normally when this kind of thing happens, i have no problem letting go and letting things happen. i mean, nothing bad has ever come from this kind of transition, and i’m a very roll-with-the-punches kind of girl. i’m the one who – at age 8 – after a year in morgantown, was dumbfounded by the fact that we would not be moving again. my parents wanted to give me a nice, stable location for the rest of my childhood, and all I could think was, “what? why are we staying here? there are more places to go to and experience.” so you wouldn’t think that moving would be that hard for me. i know i’ve lived in Orlando for the better part of ten years and i think of it as home, but i had no qualms about moving down here, or living on cruise ships for 5 months at a time. so why is this a difficult decision?

in truth, it’s not much of a decision at all, really. i don’t have a lot of choice. i can’t make my rent, i have money on my credit card again (after having it all paid off), and i don’t seem to be allowed to find what I need down here. and it’s not even like I have much else down here; sure, i have friends, but most of the ones that are family have moved away, leaving only one or two really close ones. plus, a year as a medically maligned hermit (ooh, I like that – “medically maligned”) has left me out of the casual friend hang-out loop. and (back to the close friends) the few, like rob, aren’t going anywhere – it will totally suck to not be able to go over to his house and catch up on tivo’d shows with him, but it’s not like we won’t probably be texting every day anyway.

so what is my deal? I’m excited about new opportunities and a new place (not to mention the possibility of working with jen on our children’s theatre), but i’m still pulling back. i need to let it go – as fred is rather fittingly singing into my ears right now - and trust the universe, i guess. i just don’t know why that’s suddenly hard to do.

Stealing Cool Stuff from Christin

christin has the best toys on her blogsite... she's got countdowns and clocks and all sorts of fun stuff. so i keep stealing them... soon, christin, my site will be just as cool as yours! [insert semi-evil laugh here]

Fun Times in Va.

this past weekend, i went up to virginia to visit jen and chris and to see about maybe moving up there. i had an awesome time, ate some awesome food, and got to spend time with the awesome baby grayson. (although, regrettably, we never did get around to carving that pumpkin...) jen's posted some great pics on her site, but i'll leave you with one here: grayson and i reading a story about winnie the pooh...

Me... To a T...

i was playing around on my computer this morning (attempting to clean up files and whatnot) when i came across my jungian profile, something i had copied and saved for whatever reason. as i read through it, i realized why - it was a freakishly accurate description of me. so i thought i'd share... i am an INFJ - we comprise only about 1% of the population, and possess the rarest of personality types. (if you'd like to take the test yourself, you can find one here.)


INFJs are distinguished by both their complexity of character and the unusual range and depth of their talents. Strongly humanitarian in outlook, INFJs tend to be idealists, and because of their J preference for closure and completion, they are generally "doers" as well as dreamers. This rare combination of vision and practicality often results in INFJs taking a disproportionate amount of responsibility in the various causes to which so many of them seem to be drawn.


INFJs are deeply concerned about their relations with individuals as well as the state of humanity at large. They are, in fact, sometimes mistaken for extroverts because they appear so outgoing and are so genuinely interested in people -- a product of the Feeling function they most readily show to the world. On the contrary, INFJs are true introverts, who can only be emotionally intimate and fulfilled with a chosen few from among their long-term friends, family, or obvious "soul mates." While instinctively courting the personal and organizational demands continually made upon them by others, at intervals INFJs will suddenly withdraw into themselves, sometimes shutting out even their intimates. This apparent paradox is a necessary escape valve for them, providing both time to rebuild their depleted resources and a filter to prevent the emotional overload to which they are so susceptible as inherent "givers." As a pattern of behavior, it is perhaps the most confusing aspect of the enigmatic INFJ character to outsiders, and hence the most often misunderstood -- particularly by those who have little experience with this rare type.

Due in part to the unique perspective produced by this alternation between detachment and involvement in the lives of the people around them, INFJs may well have the clearest insights of all the types into the motivations of others, for good and for evil. The most important contributing factor to this uncanny gift, however, are the empathic abilities often found in Fs, which seem to be especially heightened in the INFJ type (possibly by the dominance of the introverted N function).

This empathy can serve as a classic example of the two-edged nature of certain INFJ talents, as it can be strong enough to cause discomfort or pain in negative or stressful situations. More explicit inner conflicts are also not uncommon in INFJs; it is possible to speculate that the causes for some of these may lie in the specific combinations of preferences which define this complex type. For instance, there can sometimes be a "tug-of-war" between NF vision and idealism and the J practicality that urges compromise for the sake of achieving the highest priority goals. And the I and J combination, while perhaps enhancing self-awareness, may make it difficult for INFJs to articulate their deepest and most convoluted feelings.

Usually self-expression comes more easily to INFJs on paper, as they tend to have strong writing skills. Since in addition they often possess a strong personal charisma, INFJs are generally well-suited to the "inspirational" professions such as teaching (especially in higher education) and religious leadership. Psychology and counseling are other obvious choices, but overall, INFJs can be exceptionally difficult to pigeonhole by their career paths. Perhaps the best example of this occurs in the technical fields. Many INFJs perceive themselves at a disadvantage when dealing with the mystique and formality of "hard logic", and in academic terms this may cause a tendency to gravitate towards the liberal arts rather than the sciences. However, the significant minority of INFJs who do pursue studies and careers in the latter areas tend to be as successful as their T counterparts, as it is *iNtuition* -- the dominant function for the INFJ type -- which governs the ability to understand abstract theory and implement it creatively.

In their own way, INFJs are just as much "systems builders" as are INTJs; the difference lies in that most INFJ "systems" are founded on human beings and human values, rather than information and technology. Their systems may for these reasons be conceptually "blurrier" than analogous NT ones, harder to measure in strict numerical terms, and easier to take for granted -- yet it is these same underlying reasons which make the resulting contributions to society so vital and profound.

hmmm.... sounds a little familiar....

No, Seriously... I Mean It

i realize that this caption won't make sense to anyone who doesn't know me and my current health issues, and that no one over on that accursed, addictive website will understand it - but i had to create it anyway...

Reindeer Games, Indeed

i was taking pictures for a special event at the give kids the world village today; 8 busloads of employees from the gap outlet stores came in for 4 hours to do as much work as possible. i was to go from site to site and snap pictures of the volunteers as they painted, landscaped, cleaned, and had fun - to put up on both the gap and gktw websites. i love helping out there whenever i can and today was awesome - with one little exception.

i forgot that on thursdays, it's "christmas" in the village.

now, i was not staying for the festivities, and its not like i mind 900 yards of sparkly garland and fairy lights. given the chance, i can't say my own home wouldn't be festooned with said things. the problem was the music. i'm not a big christmas person, and i never really have been. i can't explain why exactly except to say that for some unknown reason, the holiday makes me sad and kind of depressed-feeling. it's not winter that does it, just christmas itself. i have no idea why this is. must be a past-life thing; who knows? anyway, i can stand the decorations and whatnot, but what bothers me the most is christmas music. more than anything else, it's the music that sets off the sadness. (again, i have no idea why.) as i've grown older, i've found it's easier to be agitated than to be sad, and so my depression due to christmas music has turned to annoyance. true story: the only "holiday" albums i find acceptable to listen to without wanting to hurl myself out a tenth story window are barenaked for the holidays by bnl, a christmas together by john denver and the muppets, and the nightmare before christmas soundtrack (which is not really a christmas album at all). and while i know "christmas is coming" by miss piggy, scooter, and gonzo is somewhere on the playlist, most of the hour-long bgm loop is filled with non-acceptable music. at some point, whilst photographing the gap volunteers, "rudolph the red-nosed reindeer" came on and i actually listened to the words and the story. i mean, of course i know all the words from elementary school plays and family sing-a-longs and all that (complete with random shouted parts in the middle), but i actively listened today and came to this conclusion:

"rudolph the red-nosed reindeer" is a stupid and wildly inaccurate song.

why? because it's a song about this reindeer who's weird and awkward and all the other reindeer make fun of him because of it. they call him stupid names that make no sense (really? pinnochio? his nose glows not grows... typical of bullies) and don't let him play monopoly. (they couldn't make him the banker? no one really wants that job anyway...) then suddenly one christmas eve it's foggy. the other reindeer complain of bad visibility and refuse to fly. "woo-hoo!" they're probably thinking, "we're off the hook this year! we don't have to lug the fat man and two gazillion pounds of toys around the world!" and then here comes rudolph, showing that, however improbably, his little red nose can light up enough sky for the rest of the 'deer to safely maneuver their way to every rooftop the world over.

"but all the other reindeer loved him!" you may cry. "they all shouted with glee!" well, sure they did; they were in front of their boss (i.e. the one that feeds and shelters them and orders grooms to keep them pampered all year long so they'll be ready for the one night out of the year that they actually have to do something) and the boss is ecstatic over the light-up nose. that means that they too must be ecstatic. but do you really think that's going to last? that deep down they're not thinking, "that little twerp! he's a big fat loser and now he'll go down in history? people are going to cheer and sing trite seasonal ditties about him? that's not fair!"? look, as a high school teacher, i am an astute observer of the social food chain and the consequences of stretching beyond your label. now, if rudolph had been smart, he'd have included some of the alpha reindeer in on the scheme. make it look like (to santa, at least) that it wasn't all him - that only with the help of the bigger, bad ass 'deer could he help. but he didn't; he made the classic outcast mistake of jumping in and saving the day - and making it obvious that it was something the others couldn't do even though they constantly professed that they were stronger and better and faster and less shiny.

look, if you love this song (and/or the classic stop-animation movie inspired by it), i'm not trying to take that enjoyment away from you. if it's a great story to you, and you can teach your children and nieces and nephews and what-have-you about the importance of one person, and how even if you don't seem to fit in, you can make a difference - then good on ya. those are lessons every child should learn, and learn well. i'm just saying that after the deliveries were over and santa popped back into oblivion for another 364 days, rudolph probably had an even rougher time of it because the other reindeer felt they had to remind him of his place. i just think they could have been a little more realistic with this scenario, that's all.

or maybe i just think too much about trivial things and over-analyze. a lot...